Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Wheaton College Bullshit.


So apparently, last Friday there was some sort of special Chapel service, likely involving some form of bongos, that was tweeted about negatively by students. The faculty and some of the kids there replied with a very loud public outcry about these 'racist' and 'insensitive' comments and will surely find some way to overcompensate in the future as a part of Wheaton's never-ending quest to prove it's not racist.

Well, attention Wheaton College students, faculty, and anyone else who's butthurt over this:

You're full of shit and you know it.

You want to know why people pull this shit at Wheaton? You want to know why people make fun of chapel and whichever shithead occupies the stage that day? Because CHAPEL FUCKING SUCKS. Swear to god, if I had to pinpoint the single most damaging and un-worthwhile use of time in mine or anyone else's day, it would be sitting in chapel, between the smelly fucker and the dude with fucking influenza hacking up a lung, being bombarded by the fountain of lukewarm diarrhea that generously spews forth from the podium on any given Monday, Wednesday, or Friday at 10:30. Admins: The fact that you need to have people prowling the aisles making sure we're all still here should tell you all you need to know. Chapel sucks balls. It's like when a chick sees a disgusting fat dude naked on the internet, it makes her want to turn gay, well forcing my ass onto the giant spiked dildo known as Diversity Chapel makes me want to go atheist, just so I don't have to sit there and take it with a shit-eating grin like the rest of the douchebags in that place.

That's all this really is: You make it so fucking unbearable that we're just trying to cut it with a little humor. You can stand up there and blow your dusty load in my face or the kid after me's face as much as you want, because you know they'll keep coming to you, because they're in love with the idea of Wheaton and don't care what gets shoved up into them to realize the dream. So I guess what I'm saying is twofold: you can bend us over as long as you have the muscle to, but don't expect us to like it, and you've realized that new kids will keep coming to you no matter what you decide to fart into existence in chapel. And Wheaton kids bear striking parallels to hookers. Threefold.

And what the fuck is up with all this public outcry? Why the fuck do I have to hear about how shitty this was of them during every fucking class period this week? Bullshit. Everyone knows why these people are acting all butthurt: Sanctimony. This shit's 99.9% pure posturing and we all know it. It's typical Wheaton: Put on a fucking show so everyone can see how spiritual you are. OOO LOOK AT ME! I CARE ABOUT THE HOMELESS AND SOCIAL JUSTICE AND THE POOR AND AFRICA AND SHIT! LOOK HOW CARING AND CHRISTLIKE I AM! LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME! Yeah yeah yeah, for all the game you talk, would you even back up a shred of it? Fuck no you wouldn't. Would the fucker in my BITH class do ANYTHING for the homeless dude that passed him on the sidewalk after he just fuckin monologued for half a fucking hour about how big a fuckin deal it was to be there for the poor? Asshole didn't do shit. What use is an asshole that doesn't shit? It's all just one giant pose. One big act. Everyone's heads are up their asses. Partly because they're so fucking pretentious that they love the smell of their own shit, but partly because the only way to pull this act off is to have yourself fooled too. This is like going to the dentist for a root canal, getting put under, then waking up to find that your ass hurts. Not what we signed on for. Faculty, by allowing this shit, not the students' shit on the twitter machine, but your own pretentious shit, you've fucked up. You. Blame yourselves and no one else.

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